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The Velvet Underground 's song " Venus in Furs " is based on Sacher-Masoch's novel and discusses sadomasochism , the character Severin, and common bondage practices in a detached, objective, and non-judgmental manner. Even if that does it, though, this is about being aggressive and dominant. It'll mess up the polarity of your relationship, and it kills intimacy like that. I end up making a fool of myself and embarrassing him as well. In this case, the two of you may simply not be compatible. She advises you to talk to your new guy about the choking before it happens again.